i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
