The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
