if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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