I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
