So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
