my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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