i think my tv is drunk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
