There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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