You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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