so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
