mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
