Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
