I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
