Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
