puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
