I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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