reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
