He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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