THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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