Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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