You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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