i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
