I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she told me i tasted like america
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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