"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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