Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
