its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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