Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize