If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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