Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
