So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
