And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
