I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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