Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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