Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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