Are we in a gay sports bar?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
