In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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