My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
