I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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