My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
