Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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