I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
high people should be assigned attendants
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
