At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
