So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
