Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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