He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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