god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
