Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
