Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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