planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
