my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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