Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
