I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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