You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
