508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
as a side note pls kill me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
