Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first

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(916): View more from California

It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.

(415): View more from California

No.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.

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(913): View more from Kansas

In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"

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(619): View more from California

she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away

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