Quick, to the slutcave!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
