Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
