Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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