the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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