omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
