is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
