the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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