Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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