Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
