I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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