one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
