Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
