you turned your livingroom into a bong?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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