Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
